14 Weeks Pregnant

14 weeks and our baby boy is the size of a pear! I’m getting a bit more comfortable (out of necessity) going to prenatal appointments alone due to the pandemic. I had an ultrasound yesterday, which was a relief since it had been about a month since I’d seen the baby.

Pregnancy after loss can make your mind start to wander and worry when you’re not able to get regular reassurance that the baby’s okay. I’m practicing lots of surrender and trust.

I hired a doula and I’m so excited about having her on my team. She has personally experienced pregnancy loss, which makes me feel at ease knowing that she understands what I’m going through.

I’m hoping I’ll start to feel the baby moving in a few weeks, although I was told I have an anterior placenta (it’s on the front side of my uterus), which might make it harder to feel the baby early on.

All my bloodwork from the specialist came back normal—I don’t have any blood clotting disorders. This is good, but also leaves Ellis’ stillbirth a mystery.

I’m glad to be getting my energy back and feeling more like my “normal” self, although my body is rapidly changing! Now that my belly is popping out I place my hands on the baby throughout the day and talk to him. This has really helped me to feel more connected instead of building up walls to protect myself from getting hurt (which is just trauma and fear trying to take over).

I’m grateful everyday to have this baby growing inside me.